i'm starting to think this habit is a lifestyle.

it used to be that every few months i would go a night of no sleep. it’s okay, i reasoned, because i would sleep enough the next night. it was usually on a friday or a saturday night, so i could sleep all of sunday and feel refreshed and ready for my students on monday.

i began to notice a pattern, though, a pattern which, of course, my adhd brain never fucking remembers. i would never sleep on the nights i film videos. last night i filmed two videos, because now i batch in order to blast content from my urethral tubes at the speed of light (2 videos a week). i’m so tired, my tits hurt for some reason, but i’m the happiest i think i’ve ever been since i met my wife. if it is possible to be even happier than the day i met her, than the day i realised i fell in love with her, than the day we decided to get married, then this is it. i’m the happiest i have ever been.

let’s keep it rolling, babes. if by some miracle you found me in the wild, check out my youtube videos @ aubigney tv, and if you came over from youtube, well. this is what you’re getting!

i think i’ve figured out some things to do with my business. the first is that i don’t want money from individual people. patreon is a no-go every time i try it, and some of my audience is people living in poverty and some of it is students who have no money. i don’t want money from those sides of my audience. your views, likes, and comments are enough.

the second thing is that what i want money from is companies. corporations. conglomerates. chaebols. other c words that we all know and love. corporatism is alive and well, babes, and i would be a fool not to milk it. of course, i have a very small audience and garner a small amount of views, so it would be ridiculous to expect a company, any company, to want to work with me. maybe when i’m a… sigh… microinfluencer of say a couple thousand subscribers. it’s something i could look into then.

i’m also interested in getting more involved with the poverty and disability sector in my local area. i’m ashamed to admit this but i haven’t given it much thought until a few weeks ago. a friend of mine mentioned that they work as a carer and i thought, “i’m good with people. i could do that job.” that, however, remains to be seen. i’m not sure what good i could do or what area i should go into—or even if anyone will have me. helping people is a tough gig to break into in that sense, but to be perfectly honest, i don’t think i’m going to be able to connect with people in a meaningful way if i don’t.

this life, this love, this joy, is all about making connections. it’s about meeting people and being charmed by them. and i’m so, so ready to charm.

p.s. i’m currently obsessed with the game don’t starve (did i mention that in my previous video?) and it’s cluttering my mind palace. i’m hungry now, which is what always happens when i play don’t starve for hours at a time.

p.p.s. i scrapped a video yesterday that had to do with critiquing a poem (“night walk” by franz wright). not because the video wasn’t good, it just wasn’t interesting. i am, as they say, following my bliss, aligning my chakras, and drinking the blood of the innocent like my personal friend gwyneth paltrow. (i swear i saw a business guru youtuber with an iv drip and all the comments were “bro are you okay?” yeah he’s just taking up vital fluids needed to give to sick people, don’t worry about it.) as much as i love media, i’m not in love with it anymore. i’m taking a turn. chucking a u-ey. doing burnouts in the macca’s parking lot. you know how it is.

p.p.p.s. the video coming out on tuesday is an interview with a fellow youtuber! exciting.